‘This is a healthy sign of attachment and an interesting conversation to have.’
Background
My name is Tabitha and I have been a foster carer for 6 years.
The young people I have been privileged to meet have often been hugely affected by their life experiences and just want to feel safe. It is fascinating to see what they develop into when you assist them to find their voice! The results may not always be what you like, as they normally need to work through a lot of anger.
Since working for the Compass Group, I have provided a long term home for two sets of siblings, have offered respite for various young people and have supported two young people who were not in main stream schooling to return.
We are proud to be foster carers!
Wednesday 29th October
At the end of last week we got called to school again for a meeting about G punching another child. It looks as if I will be sitting in classes after the October holidays. Not something I am looking forward to. Her teacher is newly qualified and looks like she really needs the holiday to rest!
The start of the holidays have been filled with trips with the park ranger to forage in the local park and playing board games (G cheats!) The Foster Grandparents have been great and offered childcare and meals which makes her feel special and part of a wider family. She loves to go in the evenings and gets really spoilt. She is upset about the fact that all of the grandchildren have their hand and footprints on the wall which were undertaken when they were born. She does not really understand why hers are not there!
We bought a large box of Playmobil from a table top sale and G is enjoying playing with that at the moment, it kills when you stand on it though! We love listening to her role playing with the figures and singing.
There has been a birth in our family this week and G was too worried that the baby would get hurt if she held her. We keep getting asked questions about reproduction as she tries to make sense of what has just occurred.
At the weekend we went to a Park Resort caravan holiday. We were swimming in the pool when she went to the deep end and held herself under the water. The life guard insisted that she get out, she told him that she missed her Mummy. He was really confused as he thought I was the Mummy!! The other adults were whispering and looking on. Eventually the guard barred her from the pool, insisting that she gets out. The screaming continued in the showers!
The holiday was topped off by a screaming fit under the breakfast table whilst my friends and their children were eating.
On the way home we popped into Sainsbury’s for some shopping. G was seen opening doors of advent calendars and trying to eat the chocolate so we made her buy it with her pocket money. The shop assistant told her what would happen if the security caught shop lifters. On the way out we asked her to put it in the bin, which she did.
After settling for one night at home we start to get more disclosures about her life at her birth home and the people she was exposed to. This was hard to follow as we are shattered and feel overwhelmed at the moment. Contact with her birth mother is this week and we are hoping that she will calm back down after that. It seems that the regression is tied to the build-up of anxiety around the contact.
She has also expressed sadness at the prospect of my partner dying (this is not something that is expected,) she said that she will miss them when they die. This is a healthy sign of attachment and an interesting conversation to have as she was reassured that she would always be loved and hopefully we will have a lot of time together before that. It’s difficult to tackle the subject of bereavement as she has lost contact with most of her family and has mourned for them.
However the bank account is now open and she can start to save, one victory at least!!